Nothing about Everything: How to ride bike in Chennai without getting caught?

The following account is months of painstaking research and notes-not all of them were experienced by me-notably women and bike episodes.

Handy guide for bike riders in Chennai to save their hard earned money to spend in Sathyam Cinemas than some where else:

Not an exhaustive list(though)

Dont speed up on an empty stretch of road
Dont raise accelerator in a good stretch of road
Beware of signal points and zebra crossings
Always stand one or two lines back of in zebra line
Travel with an older guy preferably age 50+
Dont travel with persons equal your age if your age is between 20-35
All the more dont travel with persons your same age of opposite sex in ECR
If possible travel with your mom, you would never be caught
Dont keep left, go right lane, many station themselves in the right side
Look out for "white" signs 500ms ahead using telescopic vision,slow down deliberately
Never speed up in a road which you have not traversed for over a week-you would not know danger spots
Simplest one- wear a helmet-that reduces 75% of being caught
Travel in car if possible, cars are rarely caught
Travel alongside public transport MTC buses,they offer cover all time
Travel alongside share autos, they always get caught-giving you time for distraction
Never park your vehicle anywhere in road,be in bike all the time-ask the shopkeeper to get tea,tender coconut to bike
Dont sport your company badge-that doubles up the possibility of fine levy
Studies prove the possibilty of getting caught exponentially increases when travelling with a girl who sits double side than single side
Be double cautious on ECR,OMR-those are plum areas of possibilities
Dont be very slow near speed breakers-alert alert
Have all the xerox of vehicle papers handy-not under the seat cover, but mostly in tank covers